its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
