I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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