Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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