it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
