areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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