You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
