Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize