You can't motorboat a personality
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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