i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
