Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
