she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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