Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
