I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
