My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Do vagina's smell?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
