just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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