Im at strip club and am horny
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
