toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
