Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
