I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
two words: eviction party
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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