phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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