I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize