I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
