I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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