some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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