I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
