Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize