let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
