The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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