Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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