Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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