Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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