are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
