i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
