do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
