I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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