Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
