Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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