I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
