In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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