Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
