Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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