I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
