my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
