He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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