My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
