I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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