First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
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