dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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