cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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