I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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