party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
