I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
