all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
two words: eviction party
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
