Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
