I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
