I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
