I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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