I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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