im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize