Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
