I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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