Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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