And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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