Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
