i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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