Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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