just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
