No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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