My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
