I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
