Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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