I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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