Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So much Jack, so little girl.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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