Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
