I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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