even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
