Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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