what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
