Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
