You work out of a Hotel?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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